Christians and In Vitro Fertilization

In Vitro Fertilization?  Intrauterine Insemination?  Embryo Transfer?  Blastocysts?  Hormone Injections?  Collection Rooms?  What’s a Christian to do?

All valid questions.  This National Infertility Awareness Week, I encourage you to #ListenUp and I’ll try to answer some of them.  Like the majority of mainstream America, I grew up hearing about ‘test-tube babies’ – babies conceived, I assumed, in little glass tubes here they began growing until? I don’t know – they were too big for the tubes?  It sounded like science fiction.  Like, DANGEROUS.  People start to envision the Matrix at the very mention of such things.  And for good reason.

Especially as Christians, we constantly weigh modern medicine and science against the scale of Scripture.  Is it God-honoring?  Does it lead down a dangerous path?  Is there a way a Christian can possibly go through infertility treatments and still be, well, Christian? 

The answer is yes.  And also no.  The truth is that the answer will be different for everyone, because everyone’s situation is different.  But especially if you’re a parent, friend, fellow churchgoer, or pastor of a couple going through infertility treatments, I want you to listen up, because there are some things we don’t talk about that need to be clarified.

‘Collection Rooms’ Do Exist

But that doesn’t mean you have to use them.  This post isn’t to criticize anyone who’s gone through the, ahem, traditional route, just as a form of education.  Collection rooms are a thing.  From what my Reproductive Endocrinologist told me, they have plenty of ‘material’ for the men to provide their ‘samples’.  A lot of couples going through treatments choose to go this route, especially as it’s the only real option mentioned by most RE’s and OB’s.

When I told my RE we were Christians and I wasn’t on board, she looked at me like I had a third eye.  She almost used her mommy voice when she started to inform me (in front of my husband) that ALL men do it and I would probably need to get comfortable with the idea for the sake of my marriage.  It’s a good thing I was already a strong-headed 33 year old at the time of this conversation, because I laughed her off.  MY husband?  No.  And don’t you dare try to act like our sacred relationship is unnatural.

So, on to the options.  You can either take charge and be a part of the process (I know this is TMI,  for the sake of educating Christian couples considering this), but be careful, because saliva cannot mix in with the semen, or it will damage the sperm.  There are also special collection condoms created specifically for safely catching the sample in a sterile way.  My RE also wasn’t thrilled about that idea, as it changed their normal protocol, but went along with whatever I insisted, since we had gotten to know each other pretty well by that point!  They can be used for the collection of samples for testing, as well as for IUIs and IVF.  Also, studies have shown that semen collected in this more natural way tends to have a higher sperm count, better motility, and more normal morphology.  Win-win.  I personally like the idea of a husband and wife still uniting in the marriage bed for the process.

Embryo Transfer Doesn’t Look Like the Matrix

I know that embryo transfer sounds weird and sci-fi and scary, and it IS a little crazy!  But what you may be envisioning as an embryo transfer probably looks more like the picture in the heading and less like what it actually is at this point.  After fertilization in a petri dish, embryos are left to divide and grow in a warm place for a few days.  Embryo transfers usually take place in the US on either Day 3, the morula stage (about 8 cells), or Day 5, usually a blastocyst by then.  This is what a blastocyst looks like:

And while I would never argue that it’s worthless at this point, or that it’s not human life – I believe in the sanctity of human life at every stage – I think it’s important for the sake of conversation to know exactly what we’re talking about here.  That small group of cells inside the trophoblast – the embryoblast – is the inner cell mass that will become the embryo.  In a day or two, after implantation (hopefully) occurs – the trophoblast will emit hormones that irritate the uterine lining and cause it to be able to burrow into and attach in the lining.

The events over the next couple of weeks in the life of an embryoblast are actually incredibly fascinating, and worth looking into if you’re truly interested.  https://embryology.med.unsw.edu.au/embryology/index.php/Main_Page  So, it becomes even more evident to me that this process is not something that can JUST be achieved with modern medicine.  This is LIFE.  This is that one God-breathed thing taking place, still being knitted together in secret, in the deepest places of a mother’s womb.  It does have a little help.  Some people aren’t comfortable with that, but I believe that most people that are really educated on the process don’t find it to be the dangerous evil they once thought.

‘Extra’ Embryos

You know, this is a valid concern, truly.  And one that bothers almost every IVF patient, even those who are pro-choice, after they’ve achieved their desired family size.  I’ll be open and honest here.  In almost every IVF procedure, they collect as many eggs as possible.  They fertilize as many of those eggs as possible, and they attempt to help as many as possible make it to the morula stage or blastocyst stage.

For some women, they end up with 16 eggs, 4 of which fertilize, and none of which survive to transfer.  Some have 6 eggs, all fertilize, and all make it to transfer.  The majority of us have an average number (say, 12-16) of which about 3/4 fertilize, of which usually about half make it to a transfer stage.  And yes, we have all kinds of emotions and questions about the ones that don’t make it that far.  For me, that meant 4 embryos total made it to transfer.  The exact number of embryos chosen to transfer immediately depends on a number of factors – the age of the woman at the time of the egg retrieval, how many cycles she’s had prior, and her health if she were to carry multiples.

For the sake of continuing, we chose to transfer two on our first try at IVF and cryogenically preserve the remaining 2.  Two weeks later, we found out the cycle was a success (YAY!) and we were pregnant with twins.  Now, we were faced with what to do with the remaining two.

We had really only wanted A BABY,  and while we were over the moon that there were two, we had no plans on a family of six at this point in our lives, so we began to search for a Christian couple looking for an embryo donor.  There are embryo ‘adoption’ agencies, that literally charge thousands of dollars to prospective parents to ‘adopt’ embryos, not actually a legal requirement yet, and there are also just listing sites where you can read through profiles of couples looking.

We wanted a Christian couple who seemed like they had a strong marriage and a real love for life and the Lord.  We found the absolute PERFECT couple, and then things got real.  Turns out, I can’t possibly stand the thought of another couple with ‘our’ babies.  Just can’t do it.  Breaks my heart.  Makes me cry.  Wrenches me in two.  Would regret it all of my days. All the feels. Sooo…two years, 12 days after the twins, their baby sister was born and we couldn’t imagine life without her.  BUT, we have a dilemma.  Still have one more embryo!  And at this point, it feels impossible to go back and go through the ordeal again, with two 3 year olds and a 1 year old, but it feels impossible NOT to.  It is definitely a real situation that couples going through infertility have to face over and over, even if they’ve already ‘beat’ infertility and have a healthy baby!

Christian couples considering IVF need to sit down and have a real conversation about what happens to those extra embryos.  And they should realize that how they feel about it prior to the process may be completely different than how they feel about it holding one of those grown-up embryos in their arms.

Contributing to the Industry

Okay, so, I get it.  There are some sketchy things, from the perspective of a person of faith, that can go on in the embryology labs.  In vitro fertilization is often used by unmarried or same-sex individuals specifically to achieve pregnancy outside of biblical marriage.  There are controversial things (like egg donation and sperm donation) that may cause some Christians to raise their eyebrows, not knowing if that’s OK or not.  I can’t help you with that one, I haven’t done any research on it.  And my husband and I spoke at length when we began infertility treatments about what’s OK for us and what’s not, because we never want to be ‘the ends justify the means’ sort of Christians.  But…we DO want to be Christians led by the Holy Spirit.  Christians that know God and listen to Him.  That are willing to call it all off if we feel a stirring.  If God isn’t in it, I don’t want it.  So, we did a lot of praying.  And at least for me, I am 100% confident that I honored the Lord in our IVF.

I know that some are concerned about contributing to an industry that does some questionable things.  But by that line of thinking, we would apply that to everything.  Yet, you’re reading this on a computer.  On the internet!  Flooded with questionable content even in your email inbox the second you turn it on.  You benefit from modern medicine and their questionable means in a myriad of ways.  So, as Christians, we have to ask if it’s OK to use the positives, in industries that also have negatives – and I think that answer might be different for different people.  For us, it was clear that following some guidelines we prayed about and insisted on sticking to made it possible for us to truly feel we honored the Lord in our infertility journey.  We couldn’t be more thankful for His hand in knitting together our three beautiful babies as only He can.

 

I know this post hasn’t been a play-by-play on the IUI or IVF process, but my hope is that I’ve at least begun to open a dialogue whereby those that were silently criticizing Christians wo go through IVF at least feel like they have an understanding.  It’s probably not appropriate (do I even need to say this?) to ask others about their infertility journey, but I welcome questions about mine.   Please, share away – especially for your pastors, counselors, and friends – and #ListenUp when your friends are facing the truly devastating blows of infertility.

 

 

I Guess There’s 2

Hello, Dear Reader!

Thanks again for taking the time to check out what’s new in my world today.  Well, it turns out there are TWO new things in my world, not just one.  That’s right, after my first ultrasound to check out baby’s growth and heartbeat last week, we saw not one, but TWO healthy babies and strong heartbeats.  That’s right, the woman who tried for 5 years to conceive a child is expecting TWINS.  Both embryos implanted, both are growing.  It’s almost too much for me to believe.  If I wasn’t assaulted by unending all-day so-called ‘morning’ sickness, it wouldn’t even feel real.  But the growing intense pressure in my abdomen and the constant nausea (I’ve lost 2 1/2 lbs) are quite convincing, if the ultrasound wasn’t.  I’m so darn excited, I can’t hardly believe it.  I want to tell strangers in the grocery store.  Sometimes, I do.

Last week, this guy comes up to me in a line at a gas station Subway and starts hitting on me.  “Hey there, you’re awful pretty, that dress looks great on you!”  So I respond, “Thanks!  It’s my pregnant-with-twins-but-not-quite-big-enough-for-maternity-clothes dress!”  He says, “Wow, if a guy was hitting on you that would be really awkward.”  To which I, not letting it die, respond, “Hopefully, that would only be my wonderful husband.”  Him: “I’d better get out of here.”

I thought it was pretty funny, although I kinda felt bad for the guy, but the truth is probably just that I like telling people now.  Pretty soon, I’m gonna need maternity clothes, and then I won’t have to tell anyone.  They’ll be asking me when I’m due, and I’ll say, “Oh, not for another 6 months!” and they’ll think I must be crazy.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Also, I keep having all these random questions running through my head about what to do with twins.  Do you feed them both at the same time?  What about bathing?  Will I put them each in their own little baby bath in the tub, or strap one in a car seat while I wash the other?  Will I be able to feed them both, or be forced to give them (NOOO) formula?  Too many unanswered questions!  What about beds?  I know in the beginning there will be one bed, but when do I move them to two, and should they share a room since they’re twins, or should I encourage putting them in separate rooms early?  I know I’ll figure it all out as I go, but my brain is trying to figure it all out NOW.

Anyway, lots of excitement going on here!  We’re going to double our current family size by the time next summer rolls around.  Now, granted, I have 2 beautiful, wonderful, well-loved stepkids – but they’re 18 and 20, and don’t live at home anymore.  So that’s different.  So many changes, so little time.  I think I’m going to go take more Zofran, talk at you all later!!!

Feeling Pregnant

Okay, there’s been a lot going on since that positive, or BFP as we call it in the world of infertility treatments.  I’ve had 3 beta tests – that’s where they draw your blood and see if the baby’s growing as it should.  My first beta was at day 15 past retrieval, and it was at 272!  2 days later, it was somewhere around 650.  Yesterday, on day 21 past retrieval, it was at 3,604!  So, it’s quite high, although it could still be a singleton.  I don’t know how I’m going to get through these next ten days until the ultrasound without losing my mind!  I just have to know!!! 1 or 2?  Omigosh, I’m just so darn excited either way.  

I also actually FEEL pregnant now.  What does that feel like, you ask?  Well, I have hints of morning sickness.  Light abdominal pain, frequently – and I’m completely STARVING all the time.  Everyone keeps telling me obvious things, like to eat protein to stave off hunger.  I’m telling you, I can eat a ribeye and be hungry 30 minutes later.  I’m trying here.

This may be TMI for those not going through IVF – so I apologize in advance, but my doc said my progesterone was high enough that I could switch from the nightly intramuscular injections to an…ahem… alternate method.  You ladies know what I’m talking about, right?  I said, no thanks – I’ll stick to the injections.  One and done.  If my hips get too bruised I might change my mind.  But, you know what?  I only have to do them another 5 weeks, and I think if I’ve held off this long, I can make it.  BRING IT ON!!!

and again with the needles. (sigh)

Well, hello, Dear Reader!  I have missed you!  Glad you stopped by – sorry I haven’t had anything of importance to say for a week.  Honestly, I don’t have anything important now either, but that’s never stopped me before!

Well, we’re on track with our IVF.  I go back in to the DR in the morning and they’re going to tell me when to trigger.  Soooo, might be as early as Saturday night.  In other news…

What a slow week in the voiceover world!  I guess everyone’s trying to get a last minute vacation in before school starts.  How rude that they wouldn’t even consider what this would do to my income for the week.  Harumph.  My darling, wonderful, king of a husband will most likely take me on a short motorcycle trip this weekend.  Nowhere too far, just in case my ovaries explode.  No, they won’t really, but it feels like they might!

Also, my belly is many lovely shades of blue and purple spots.  🙂

Lesson learned: the IVF nurses will tell you that you can inject in your thighs – DON’T BELIEVE THEM!!!  OUCH!!!!

and that is all.  Have a lovely week, I’m going to spend this next part of my time working on a new worship song I’m writing.  Toodles.

Needles and Texting

Okay, this may come as a bit of surprise to those that don’t know me, but I’m in the middle of an IVF cycle.  What’s that, you say?

It’s where you have trouble getting pregnant, so you torture yourself for 3 months straight with hormone therapy, needles, and then (hopefully) a ‘test tube baby’ for a 40% chance of it actually working.

And I’m not exaggerating on the torture.  🙂  Okay, maybe a bit.  But with all of these injections messing with my hormones, I’m moody and tired and swollen and grumpy and rage-filled.  Yes, rage-filled.  Would you like to know what apparently triggers my rage more than anything else?  I thought not.  Well, I’ll tell you anyway, dear reader.

Cell phones.  Okay, just one cell phone in particular, and it’s probably not the phone’s fault.  It belongs to my sweet, wonderful, 12 year old niece who, along with her 9 yo brother and 15 yo sister, are staying with me for about a month while my mom recovers from a knee replacement.  This phone is permanently attached to her hand.  Nay, her thumbs.  When she has her phone, she’s like the 3 monkeys all put together – sees nothing, hears nothing, says nothing.  Not just evil, NOTHING.  If we go somewhere, we have to wait 5 minutes for her to end her conversation before she gets out of the car.  Argh.

How does this affect her life?  Example: After I left the studio yesterday, on a beautiful day, we went across the street to the park to play.  We brought along assorted park-type playthings – basketball, volleyball, sidewalk chalk, frisbee, and lots of sunblock.  Admittedly, I also brought along an ice-cold Diet Dr Pepper, which my nephew pilfered from me.  Although, if it was really ice-cold, wouldn’t it actually be frozen?  But, I digress…  What was my angelic niece doing?  Texting.  Again.  No doubt to her friends about the only thing they ever talk about, One Direction.

We played volleyball.  I FORCED her to participate.  By that, I mean, I forced her to come over to the volleyball court, so she stood there looking down at her feet unhappily while her sister desperately tried not to run into her to save the ball.  When I told her to actively participate (and I’m feeling my blood boil) I get the look.  Hold on, only I’m allowed to give the look!  Who does she think…anyway….. Long story short, cell phone is neatly put away until Thursday.  I’m tired of the phone coma.  That’s what I call it – she’s in a phone coma.

Despite the events, we actually managed to have a great time.  Well, not her, but the rest of us did.  I’d like to brag that I smoked my nephew at basketball.  Okay, exaggerating… firstly, he’s 9, and a short 9.  Secondly, we played HORSE.  I can’t run.  Thirdly, I beat him by one letter.  I had HORS already.  🙂

Then, the kids told me how hot and tired they were and begged me to stop playing so we could go home – that’s when I realized they’re OLD!  I used to tell them to put their toys away and get in the car.  But now, they were packed, sitting on the bench.  “Aunt Jessie!  Come on!  It’s hot out here!”  It’s 83 degrees…and we’re in the shade.  “Five more minutes, guys!  I never get to play!  I’m always locked away in my dark studio away from the sunshine!”

We went home, and the girls played on our arcade DDR (Dance Dance Revolution for the uninitiated) games, while my nephew and I played Farkle as I made dinner.  All in all, a good day.  Now, more injections.  Ugh.