In Vitro Fertilization? Intrauterine Insemination? Embryo Transfer? Blastocysts? Hormone Injections? Collection Rooms? What’s a Christian to do?
All valid questions. This National Infertility Awareness Week, I encourage you to #ListenUp and I’ll try to answer some of them. Like the majority of mainstream America, I grew up hearing about ‘test-tube babies’ – babies conceived, I assumed, in little glass tubes here they began growing until? I don’t know – they were too big for the tubes? It sounded like science fiction. Like, DANGEROUS. People start to envision the Matrix at the very mention of such things. And for good reason.
Especially as Christians, we constantly weigh modern medicine and science against the scale of Scripture. Is it God-honoring? Does it lead down a dangerous path? Is there a way a Christian can possibly go through infertility treatments and still be, well, Christian?
The answer is yes. And also no. The truth is that the answer will be different for everyone, because everyone’s situation is different. But especially if you’re a parent, friend, fellow churchgoer, or pastor of a couple going through infertility treatments, I want you to listen up, because there are some things we don’t talk about that need to be clarified.
‘Collection Rooms’ Do Exist
But that doesn’t mean you have to use them. This post isn’t to criticize anyone who’s gone through the, ahem, traditional route, just as a form of education. Collection rooms are a thing. From what my Reproductive Endocrinologist told me, they have plenty of ‘material’ for the men to provide their ‘samples’. A lot of couples going through treatments choose to go this route, especially as it’s the only real option mentioned by most RE’s and OB’s.
When I told my RE we were Christians and I wasn’t on board, she looked at me like I had a third eye. She almost used her mommy voice when she started to inform me (in front of my husband) that ALL men do it and I would probably need to get comfortable with the idea for the sake of my marriage. It’s a good thing I was already a strong-headed 33 year old at the time of this conversation, because I laughed her off. MY husband? No. And don’t you dare try to act like our sacred relationship is unnatural.
So, on to the options. You can either take charge and be a part of the process (I know this is TMI, for the sake of educating Christian couples considering this), but be careful, because saliva cannot mix in with the semen, or it will damage the sperm. There are also special collection condoms created specifically for safely catching the sample in a sterile way. My RE also wasn’t thrilled about that idea, as it changed their normal protocol, but went along with whatever I insisted, since we had gotten to know each other pretty well by that point! They can be used for the collection of samples for testing, as well as for IUIs and IVF. Also, studies have shown that semen collected in this more natural way tends to have a higher sperm count, better motility, and more normal morphology. Win-win. I personally like the idea of a husband and wife still uniting in the marriage bed for the process.
Embryo Transfer Doesn’t Look Like the Matrix
I know that embryo transfer sounds weird and sci-fi and scary, and it IS a little crazy! But what you may be envisioning as an embryo transfer probably looks more like the picture in the heading and less like what it actually is at this point. After fertilization in a petri dish, embryos are left to divide and grow in a warm place for a few days. Embryo transfers usually take place in the US on either Day 3, the morula stage (about 8 cells), or Day 5, usually a blastocyst by then. This is what a blastocyst looks like:
And while I would never argue that it’s worthless at this point, or that it’s not human life – I believe in the sanctity of human life at every stage – I think it’s important for the sake of conversation to know exactly what we’re talking about here. That small group of cells inside the trophoblast – the embryoblast – is the inner cell mass that will become the embryo. In a day or two, after implantation (hopefully) occurs – the trophoblast will emit hormones that irritate the uterine lining and cause it to be able to burrow into and attach in the lining.
The events over the next couple of weeks in the life of an embryoblast are actually incredibly fascinating, and worth looking into if you’re truly interested. https://embryology.med.unsw.edu.au/embryology/index.php/Main_Page So, it becomes even more evident to me that this process is not something that can JUST be achieved with modern medicine. This is LIFE. This is that one God-breathed thing taking place, still being knitted together in secret, in the deepest places of a mother’s womb. It does have a little help. Some people aren’t comfortable with that, but I believe that most people that are really educated on the process don’t find it to be the dangerous evil they once thought.
‘Extra’ Embryos
You know, this is a valid concern, truly. And one that bothers almost every IVF patient, even those who are pro-choice, after they’ve achieved their desired family size. I’ll be open and honest here. In almost every IVF procedure, they collect as many eggs as possible. They fertilize as many of those eggs as possible, and they attempt to help as many as possible make it to the morula stage or blastocyst stage.
For some women, they end up with 16 eggs, 4 of which fertilize, and none of which survive to transfer. Some have 6 eggs, all fertilize, and all make it to transfer. The majority of us have an average number (say, 12-16) of which about 3/4 fertilize, of which usually about half make it to a transfer stage. And yes, we have all kinds of emotions and questions about the ones that don’t make it that far. For me, that meant 4 embryos total made it to transfer. The exact number of embryos chosen to transfer immediately depends on a number of factors – the age of the woman at the time of the egg retrieval, how many cycles she’s had prior, and her health if she were to carry multiples.
For the sake of continuing, we chose to transfer two on our first try at IVF and cryogenically preserve the remaining 2. Two weeks later, we found out the cycle was a success (YAY!) and we were pregnant with twins. Now, we were faced with what to do with the remaining two.
We had really only wanted A BABY, and while we were over the moon that there were two, we had no plans on a family of six at this point in our lives, so we began to search for a Christian couple looking for an embryo donor. There are embryo ‘adoption’ agencies, that literally charge thousands of dollars to prospective parents to ‘adopt’ embryos, not actually a legal requirement yet, and there are also just listing sites where you can read through profiles of couples looking.
We wanted a Christian couple who seemed like they had a strong marriage and a real love for life and the Lord. We found the absolute PERFECT couple, and then things got real. Turns out, I can’t possibly stand the thought of another couple with ‘our’ babies. Just can’t do it. Breaks my heart. Makes me cry. Wrenches me in two. Would regret it all of my days. All the feels. Sooo…two years, 12 days after the twins, their baby sister was born and we couldn’t imagine life without her. BUT, we have a dilemma. Still have one more embryo! And at this point, it feels impossible to go back and go through the ordeal again, with two 3 year olds and a 1 year old, but it feels impossible NOT to. It is definitely a real situation that couples going through infertility have to face over and over, even if they’ve already ‘beat’ infertility and have a healthy baby!
Christian couples considering IVF need to sit down and have a real conversation about what happens to those extra embryos. And they should realize that how they feel about it prior to the process may be completely different than how they feel about it holding one of those grown-up embryos in their arms.
Contributing to the Industry
Okay, so, I get it. There are some sketchy things, from the perspective of a person of faith, that can go on in the embryology labs. In vitro fertilization is often used by unmarried or same-sex individuals specifically to achieve pregnancy outside of biblical marriage. There are controversial things (like egg donation and sperm donation) that may cause some Christians to raise their eyebrows, not knowing if that’s OK or not. I can’t help you with that one, I haven’t done any research on it. And my husband and I spoke at length when we began infertility treatments about what’s OK for us and what’s not, because we never want to be ‘the ends justify the means’ sort of Christians. But…we DO want to be Christians led by the Holy Spirit. Christians that know God and listen to Him. That are willing to call it all off if we feel a stirring. If God isn’t in it, I don’t want it. So, we did a lot of praying. And at least for me, I am 100% confident that I honored the Lord in our IVF.
I know that some are concerned about contributing to an industry that does some questionable things. But by that line of thinking, we would apply that to everything. Yet, you’re reading this on a computer. On the internet! Flooded with questionable content even in your email inbox the second you turn it on. You benefit from modern medicine and their questionable means in a myriad of ways. So, as Christians, we have to ask if it’s OK to use the positives, in industries that also have negatives – and I think that answer might be different for different people. For us, it was clear that following some guidelines we prayed about and insisted on sticking to made it possible for us to truly feel we honored the Lord in our infertility journey. We couldn’t be more thankful for His hand in knitting together our three beautiful babies as only He can.
I know this post hasn’t been a play-by-play on the IUI or IVF process, but my hope is that I’ve at least begun to open a dialogue whereby those that were silently criticizing Christians wo go through IVF at least feel like they have an understanding. It’s probably not appropriate (do I even need to say this?) to ask others about their infertility journey, but I welcome questions about mine. Please, share away – especially for your pastors, counselors, and friends – and #ListenUp when your friends are facing the truly devastating blows of infertility.
The Voiceover Princess 