Single Superheroes?

So, I saw a bumper sticker today that read, “Single Moms are the Superheroes”

Really?  I’m not knocking single moms, or any other moms, for that matter.  I know that A – people make mistakes, different decisions, some adopt, and some are left by the fathers of the children for reasons beyond their control.  But are they “the” superheroes?

I know a mom who had 2 children with her husband and several years of her life invested.  They’d been having marital issues and he started a relationship with another woman.  This mom valued keeping her family together enough that she found it in her heart to forgive him, asked him to come back home, prayed for him without ceasing, worked on their relationship together and have a thriving marriage several years later.  Not only she and he, but also the kids, benefited from that.  I think she’s a superhero.

My own mom was a single mother.  Although the courts awarded my dad custody of us until I went to live with her when I was 13, which I know had to be sooo hard for her, she was a great mom.  She taught me the value of hard work, loved me unconditionally, encouraged my passions and helped me thrive, despite our difficult circumstances.  She raised my nieces and nephew and has cared for her mother with Alzheimer’s for almost 15 years.  I think she’s a Superhero.

I also know a mom who has adopted at LEAST 10 kids (I’ve lost count), most of which have special needs to one degree or another and would have spent their entire childhood in foster care, and probably their adult years as wards of the state, had she and her wonderful husband not stepped in to LOVE them and care for them.  She’s definitely a Superhero.

I know a Mom of 6 who homeschooled her kids and made it look easy.  One of the most patient, calm women I’ve ever known, and I learned a lot from her about keeping the calm in the midst of the storm.  She’s a Superhero.

And then there’s the Mom who had high hopes and dreams of being a SAHM for her kids, but when her husband’s pastoral position didn’t provide health insurance for their family, went back to work as a teacher even though it broke her heart to leave her kids every day.  She’s doing what her family and her husband needed her to do, even though it wasn’t what she planned.  Superhero indeed.

Finally, the Mom who went back to school to work on her doctorate and show her kids that they can, indeed, succeed at whatever they set their hearts to, regardless of how insurmountable the odds seem at first.  Superhero.

So, no – Single Moms are not “the” superheroes.  They can be, though – just like any other Mom who sets her heart and mind to loving and caring for her children above all else.

Formula Doesn’t Make Me a Bad Mother

I guess I said it all in the title of the post…but I suppose I could elaborate a bit.

When I first became pregnant, I was all in for breastfeeding.  I called my insurance company and ordered a pump, I read books, articles, and blogs on breastfeeding twins.  I was a regular visitor to the La Leche League website (complete with fancy sketches).  I had every intention in the world of exclusively breastfeeding my twins for at least the first 9 months of their lives, and I joined the ranks of women who look down on mothers who formula feed (gasp!)

Then, the babies arrived.  6 weeks early, no less.  In the NICU, they immediately started giving them bottles to put weight on them.  I worked with the lactation consultants at the hospital, some of whom were very wonderful, some of whom were….ahem…not.  I not-so-fondly-recall a LC literally grabbing my breast and shoving it into the mouth of my newborn preemie daughter the second she started rooting.  Very uncomfortable for us both, although I’m sure I enjoyed it the least.  My friend tells a story in the hospital of the LC going “Squeeeeze it like a Biscuit!”  Where do they get these analogies?  And WHO squeezes biscuits?  I’m from Kentucky, practically the biscuit capitol of the country, and everyone knows you have to be gentle with biscuits.  But, I digress…

So, I struggled to produce enough.  I pumped, yes.  A lot.  Not as much as I needed to.  Yes, I used Fenugreek.  Yes, I was committed and loved my babies.  Have you ever tried taking care of TWO premature newborns while power pumping?  Not easy.  So, after 3 months of not producing enough, I QUIT!!!  You know what?  They still seem fond of me.  They’re still growing quickly, still smart as can be.  We’ve still bonded.  I’m not knocking the benefits of breastfeeding – trust me – the amount of nursing I did, I truly enjoyed the connection with my twins.  But, can we please stop this area of Mommy Guilt?

In honor of stopping the mommy guilt, I will share with you a modern invention that has CHANGED MY LIFE.  The Baby Brezza Formula Pro Mixer.  I cannot stress how much of a help this has been.  Some people think it’s lazy to not just shake a bottle, but they don’t know what in the world they’re talking about.  I used to spend AN HOUR every night washing and preparing the bottles in the fridge for the next day.  So, I’ve compiled a list of why this is awesome:

• Less wasted formula.  With the formula mixer, I’m not preparing 6 or 8 oz bottles ahead of time for a baby that may only want 4.  I can put 4 in, knowing I can easily and quickly go back and add another 2!
• Fewer dirty bottles.  Because I have twins, I can use a bottle, then go back for a refill for baby #2.  If you use Dr Brown’s bottles like I do, you know this is a big deal.
• No waiting for the bottle warmer.  At 3am with 2 crying babies, fixing a couple of bottles in 30 seconds is huge.
• Correct temperature and consistency every time.  Need I say more?

Now, here are my tips on using the Formula Pro, because like everything else, it isn’t perfect.

• Every couple of bottles, pull out the funnel and wipe it down, as well as the opening above it.  Powdered formula can clump and collect there if you don’t, then you won’t be getting enough actual formula with the water.
• Remember to empty the water container regularly and clean it.
• If it beeps when you’re making a bottle, go ahead and take the time to refill it.  Your brain isn’t functioning properly right now.  You’re sleep deprived and you’ll probably forget.  DO IT NOW.

Experiences with breastfeeding or formula feeding you’d like to share?  This is a “mommy guilt”-free zone.

Be looking for another post on how I wrangle the Dr Brown’s bottles for the dishwasher.  Yes, I have a method for everything.  😛

So, Your Baby Won’t Sleep?

Let me preface this by saying that I’m technically not a baby sleep expert.

Okay, here’s the thing:  Now that my twins are 9 months old, I’m basically a baby sleep expert.  🙂

There are SO MANY things I wish I’d known in the beginning, things I’d read but didn’t necessarily believe, things that sounded too good to be true, that sounded sweet, stressful, too hard, too harsh, and just right.

The fact is, I had to learn as I went what worked and what didn’t, and I really hope that this post can help you, New Mom, with your baby’s sleep problems.

At night, when it’s getting close to your 3 month old angel’s bedtime, he gets super cranky and starts screaming.  Nothing you can do will stop the screaming.  You’ve tried rocking him, putting him in his swing, anything and everything and NOTHING WORKS.  Troubleshooting: First, it sounds like your little one might be OVERtired.  That means, you’re waiting too long to put them to sleep.  Start watching for subtle sleepy cues, like becoming more quiet or calm than normal, eye rubbing, yawning.  Don’t wait until they start crying to put them to sleep or it’ll be too late and your night will be ruined.  Okay, not ruined.  

Have you heard of the 5 S’s?  I thought it was hokey, too, it looked waaay too simple.  Somebody posted this Youtube video from The Happiest Baby on the Block on FB and it looked like a trick to sell books.  Which it is, I’m sure.  But, here’s the thing…it actually works.  What are the 5 S’s, you ask?

• Swaddle – I like the Halo swaddlers because they worked out of everything else.  Yes, they will cry when you first swaddle them because they don’t want to calm down and go to sleep!  Do it anyway.  You’ll see that they sleep better and longer for reasons I’ll detail below.
• Side – Turn them on their side and hold them close to you.  This can be toward or away from you, preferably on their left side in case they’re having gas issues.
• Shush – In their ear, as loudly as you need to, Shhhhhhhhh, Shhhhhhhhhh, Shhhhhhhhhhh, Shhhhhhhhh OVER AND OVER AND OVER….
• Sway – Rock or sway back and forth, side to side, etc.
• Suck – Offer a pacifier or bottle.  That’s technically how they put it.  I call it, holding in the pacifier and wiggling it until they realize they actually want it and give in.

Sleeping Formerly Cranky Baby after the 5 Ss: 

These aren’t effective unless you do ALL of them at the same time.  Now, the Shhhh thing can be tough and although it’s annoying for YOU to listen to, here’s a rough file I made for my babies and shared with other Twins Mom friends:  https://dl-web.dropbox.com/get/Public/sLEEPsOUND.mp3?_subject_uid=109917573&w=AADKiseFsfWL68YHAmAtT6RMxycxnFRmUE03ofR75rX23w

You’re welcome.  And I’m sorry.

Here are some more tips:

• USE A WHITE NOISE MACHINE in their room.  Not music, a white noise machine.  This one works well.  http://www.amazon.com/Sleep-Easy-Sound-Conditioner-Machine/dp/B00GFSF402/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1420658189&sr=8-4&keywords=sleep+mate+noise+machine
• Try a Rock N’ Play Sleeper instead of a flat bassinet or Pack N’ Play.  My babies slept so much better in them.  The incline helps with reflux and they feel secure and cuddled in them.  They slept in the RNP sleepers, swaddled, with a white noise machine like a CHAMP.
• SWADDLE – Swaddling not only helps your angel feel secure and fall asleep, it helps muffle their startle reflexes, which tend to wake them.  Swaddled babies sleep better through their light sleep periods, also AND are easier to transfer because the swaddle helps hold them still.  Again, I like the Halo swaddlers.  Everything else, blankets, the Summer Infant swaddle sacks, etc., they wiggled out of.

Happily Sleeping Swaddled Babies – 

• Sleep Begets Sleep – Keeping your angel awake during the day won’t help them sleep better at night.  It’ll make them feel like crap, give them headaches, and stress them out, raising the cortisol in their body and making it harder for them to go to sleep and stay asleep at night.  Lay them down for naps when they’re tired and let them sleep as long as they need to.
• Baby Cereal in the bottle doesn’t work – I wish it did, trust me.  The reason our moms think it worked was because around the age we could start having cereal, we also reached a developmental milestone that helped us sleep in longer stretches
• Sleeping through the night usually isn’t ALL NIGHT – If your baby under the age on 1 is sleeping in 5-7 hour stretches, you’re golden.  Sleeping through the night is usually more like 6 hour stretches.  Currently, my 9 month old twins sleep from 7 pm – 8 am with 1-2 feedings in between.  I’m much more concerned with them being able to go to sleep when they’re tired than with my not having to wake up a couple of times to feed them.
• If you think they have gas, give them Simethicone – Simethicone drops are safe enough for a day-old baby.  Even a premature day-old baby.  They aren’t absorbed by your body and help break up gas bubbles.  Safe enough to use at every feeding and cheap, too.  Go ahead.  The dosage for a baby under 2 is .3 mL.  I didn’t even have to look!  HAHA!
• If you have the room for it, make bedrooms for sleeping only.  This will help it become a part of their sleep association.
• I know this is controversial, but look into sleep training.  I swore I wouldn’t do it.  After 6 years of infertility, I’d be happy to rock and cuddle and hold and sing and Shhh for hours a night if I had to.  Somewhere along the line, I realized how miserable my babies were with not being able to go to sleep and I had to do something about it.  I did a modified version of crying it out, called the Ferber method, after reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins.  It took 2 days for them to get the hang of it and I’m sure it was much harder for me than it was for them.  Details below.

At around 5 months, I swaddled the babies, laid them in their cribs, turned on their white noise machines, kissed their litte heads and walked out of the room.  Oh, it was torture.  All the tears…. Mine, not theirs.  As I said, much harder for me.  You see, they DID cry.  More like complain.  However, I realized that they cried for about 15 minutes before they went to sleep as opposed to the hour and a half they would have if I’d interfered.  I realized within a couple of days that if I went back in to comfort my son, he’d get ramped up again.  My daughter, however, needed a pat and a paci if she didn’t calm down within 5-10 minutes.

I hear horror stories from other Moms with babies the same age as mine that never get any sleep.  They spend all their time at night trying to rock them to sleep (while the babies cry, mind you!) or watch them collapse, overtired in their playrooms.  I might sound like a jerk to some people, but I’ve pretty much got this baby sleep thing figured out and my life is so much easier, my babies are happier, etc.  For the last several months, it’s been pretty much like this:

It’s bedtime.  Babies get PJs put on, get kisses and hugs while I talk about it “being bedtime”.  Take them upstairs, one at a time.  Lilli usually gets 2-3 minutes of rocking and cuddling before bed because she likes it.  Lay her down, give her a paci (I LOVE Wubbanubs) and turn on her crib soother.  White noise playing, blackout curtains in place with a nightlight.  This is usually around 6:45 or 7.  Tell her I love her, goodnight, walk out of the room and close the door.  Get Liam, who does not tolerate nighttime cuddles because he knows what you’re up to thank you very much.  Take him to his room, talk about bedtime up the stairs, in bed, turn on crib soother, kiss on the head and goodnight, leave the room.  Babies asleep within 5 minutes with minimal fussing.  Yes, it can be done, ladies and gentlemen.  Where was all this useful information when my nephew was small?  They usually fuss a bit 45 minutes to an hour in and then settle back in to sleep.

Has something else worked for you?  Think I’m a know-it-all jerk?  Have a question?  Comment below!